Empress of India is a song from the episode Tricky Queen Vicky in the Horrible Histories TV series. It first aired on June 27, 2015, & later in the special It's a Wicked World.

She owns the biggest empire the world has ever seen, & although India has become part of that, Queen Victoria refuses to go there, no matter how much Disraeli tries to convince her!

A Bollywood parody.

Lyrics[edit | edit source]

Victoria: It’s good to be boss & Queen Victoria,
But what if all the world’s other leaders ignore ya?
Rule the world’s biggest empire, but who does that impress,
When even my own subjects don’t know me as Empress?

Sort it, Disraeli, you’re PM in charge.

Disraeli: I suppose if I had to I could I could tie it to the raj;
The plan, Your Highness, prevent your sense of injure,
I hereby name you ‘Empress of India’.

Victoria: Empress of India, that’ll do me;
Queen of the Ganges, ruler of Karachi,
Mother of Madras, Commander of Kashmir,
All I say is… I, I, I, I’m… staying here!

The vast land of India is all very well,
But there’s place like home, I prefer its smell.

Disraeli: Don’t you love Bombay spices & the jewels of Hyderabad?

Victoria: They are shipped to England, go fetch them I’ve been mad.

That Indian famine’s no fun for a newcomer,

Prefer the Isle of Wight for my Indian Summer.

Disraeli: Calcutta’s very nice. 

Victoria: With that, I have no quarrel;

Frankly, Benji, bread’s buttered in Balmoral.

Empress of India.

Disraeli: Title sounds good.

Victoria: Don’t want to go there.

Disraeli: Maybe you should?

Victoria: Mysore, not sure-won’t go to Gujarati.

Disraeli: That’s a shame. There-ere-ere-ere’s… A fabulous party!

Bagpipers played tunes beyond compare.

All: Hey!

Victoria: Viceroy announced with guns fired in the air. 

All: Hey!

Victoria: The raj has jumped, gave the elephants a scare. 

All: Hey!

Victoria: Stampeded killing natives, most unfair! 

All: Hey!

Disraeli: But the party didn’t stop for a bit of blood & gore. 

All: Hey!

Disraeli: Thousands of leaders feast a week or more. 

All: Hey!

Disraeli: The biggest bally party you ever did see. 

All: Hey!

Victoria: There’s only one thing that’s missing--me!

Empress of India, nothing would be finer;

Own armfuls of Africa, & chunks of China,

Queen of the world, apart from Paris & Rome.

Disraeli: Can’t take her anywhere. 

Victoria: I, I, I, I…I’m… Staying home!

Cast[edit | edit source]

Notes[edit | edit source]

External Links[edit | edit source]

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